Holly Kessinger
BiPoLaR…….12/20/2010
Running…forever running on the border
Fearless, provocative and enticed
By the smallest of curiosities
Unstoppable
Hunting through the night
For tools of hydration
Anything to quench that thirst
For life and all that will die
Laying on the rooftop
Daring to peer over the edge
Then up and standing tall
Feeling the boldness from this height
Hiding nothing
Baring all
Peace in the nakedness
Of a soul unearthed
Vibrant and voltage
Alive with the power
That pounds through my veins
Branches break as I run
Deep and profound
Wanting it all
Driven and insatiable
No room for common sense
What comes, is the changing of the tide
Blue to the bone
I’m buried like a casket
Heavy with the dirt of life
Simple breathing so dim and distant
All movement like jagged glass
Burnt and broken
Just waiting for the light
Then, the introduction of normal
My life in a pill
That steals my soul and
Drags me down to ordinary
Dulled and closed off
Scrubbed of my shine
Too many hours of sleep
Just another in the crowd
Grim replacing the energy
Fullness turned to hollow
No ripe fruit here
Just a ghost of my pride
Trying to fit in
Without my crazy tenant
That rode the peaks and valleys
In a town that never was
How do I lead a life of quiet
Find my place in the sun
How can my passion smoulder
With wet ashes all around
The Balance…..lose the crazy
Gain a home…meet the family
Still that inner longing
For a game I cannot win......
And I Did 12/29/09
You told me that I would go back to her
And I did
You told me that she would destroy me
And she did
You told me that I would destroy you
And I did
You told me that I was a wonder, a blessing , a gift.
And I didn’t listen
I didn’t believe you
I didn’t hear your truth
I didn’t know of the beauty I had within
But you taught me
And you loved me
And you trusted me
You told me I would leave you
And I did.
The Ravens
STRONG AS THE PINES
CLEAR AS THE RAIN
BOLD AND BRILLIANT
MY LOVE FOR YOU
OUR BOND IS TRUE, AND RIPE
WITH WOMANLY GRACE
JUST PEACE
AND RESTFUL SPIRIT
I AM ILLUMINATED BY THE POWER
AND NURTURED BY THE GLOW
IN A PLACE WHERE NO HARM IS DONE
YOUR ARMS AROUND MY SOUL
I CAN’T LOSE WHAT YOU WON’T TAKE
YOUR CHOICE WILL LEAVE ME WHOLE
NOTHING TO DEFEND
THE PATH CLEARED FOR OUR JOURNEY
YOUR VOICE SO LOW AND EASY
WHAT IT AWAKENS WITHIN ME
LONGING, FULL BLAZE AND FIERCE
FROM THE SMALLEST OF SPARKS
TAKE ME WITH YOU
INTO THE SWEET DARKNESS
DEEP WITH THE TWILIGHT OF DESIRE
BRING ME DOWN TO THE PRIMAL
OUR TRUST CAN BUILD A FORTRESS
AGAINST THE WINDS THAT BLOW
BINDING US FOREVER
INTEGRITY OUR LIFE AND LOVE
Fly 12/31/09
You
Roughened by the spurs of life
Bright eyes stand out in contempt of your face
Fate was quick tempered and uneasy
Our magnets pulled together
Like a fish to a hook
I never imagined then the timeless cruelty
You stole my gentleness
Made me fight a senseless war
I had to guess your frame of mind
Like they guess someone’s weight
At the carnival
I learned to watch you from a distance
I watched you lose your grace
Your screaming was in your silence
You took my own faith
And used it against me
Tied me to a post
Like an old forgotten horse
It was easier for a time
To let you hammer my soul into submission
But I learned to fly above the swamp
And feast on other bounties
Your loss is so much bigger than mine
But you won’t honor that
Although you know it’s true.
I can stand alone
And know I did my best
I couldn’t fight your demons
They keep you alone forever
Letting Go 12/29/2009
Like sugar in the rain
The memory of you slips away
I am grateful for the peace.
For the longest while,
I missed the depth of blue
In your eyes….
The creases in your hard working hands
Tanned by the sun and your sweat
To let you go
I had to remember
The sting of your tongue
Your hands around my neck
The desperation that was you
You were brilliant
With the wrong kind of shine
You will die alone
I know this
There’s not one more person
That will take what you give….
That would lust for your brokenness
That would die for your love
The way I did
The Flame 12/30/09
Do you hold her like a flame…
Seeking the scorch?
Do you taste her lily skin…
And yearn for more?
Do you hold her heart…
The way you held mine?
Does the pain get better…
With the passing of time?
Do you smile from your heart…
While sharing your soul?
Does life give you anything…
While it’s taking it’s toll?
Does she move you and shake you…
Make you howl at the moon?
Does her song bring you passion…
Inspire your tune?
Does she feed you, not bleed you...
Set your spirit free?
Does she know your heart is broken…
Because she can’t be me?
Rising Above 8/26/10
The weight of my life has lifted
The lessons a healing balm
The storms have cleansed my journey
The road is fearless and calm
The hope that stands on my horizon
Is pure and honest and true
I love my new beginning
To see the world anew
My life, it is a treasure
My friends are warm and strong
The gift that I embrace now
Is I know where I belong
The Battle 12/31/09
I saw you a while ago
From a distance
A very safe place to be
I wondered how
I ever found the strength
To break your spell
I felt pride in my decision
And could only smile
Knowing that I was
The one with a backbone
You’re a coward
Too afraid to face yourself
A bully to the core
But I survived your smallness
Became bigger than life in fact
I’m here to tell my story
And people listen
So I thank you for the lessons
I rose above you with dignity
Without the raising of my fist
You made me a warrior against myself
But I saw the truth and fought for my soul
What a battle I’ve won
HOGTIED 1/18/2011
Out with the dogs
That needed to pee
I take them out together.
What’s the matter with me?
Just got out of bed
No teeth, hair up straight
But they gotta pee
They cannot wait!
Two can run free
The huskies, HELL NO!
‘Cause off to the woods
They would go.
Ana on her tie-out
Tangled around a tree
She’s jumping and pissed off
She wants to be free
So over I trudge
To free the line
The two free dogs
Laughing the whole time
So Ana is free
Hopping like a bunny
Running in circles
Trying to be funny
She runs in circles
Around me now
I need to get free
But don’t know how
Holding the big husky’s
Leash in my hand
He decides to lunge
In the snow I’m gonna land
With my ankles in a hogtie
Down I go
Horizontal I am
Eating the snow
I’m cursing and loud
Not being very nice
My gums totally frozen
As I spit out the ice
I want to call a tow truck
To haul my ass up
Hogtied in the morning
Yeah..I love these pups
Hogtied in the morning
On my face I did land
The dogs seem to be laughing
Yeah..they had it planned!
What Brings A Tear 1/19/11
An elderly couple holding hands
A Valentine heart etched in the sand
An old homeless man walking w/ a cane
A thin frightened animal lost in the rain
A small helpless child sick with cancer
A streetwise teen looking for answers
The broken heart we shared on that September morn
The precious first breath of a baby just born
Bagpipes playing Amazing Grace
The ravage of addiction on someone’s face
The love we feel for our red white and blue
Alzheimers patients without a clue
Tiny brave flowers poking out through the snow
A big brown buck and a beautiful doe
Standing beside a family at the site of a grave
Feeling their pain when they try to be brave
The joy of a child on Christmas day
The thought of the lonely ones that have lost their way
The happiness brimming over at graduation
The loss of honor stolen from our nation
The hope we feel when people sing
The beauty of an eagle with it’s big, wide wings
A rainbow splashed across the sky
An abused woman who doesn’t know why
These are the things that should make us pause
To battle an issue, to give us cause
Have heart, have soul, take a chance
Live with dignity….don’t forget to dance
1/13/11
ALONE
My fears… too big
To be quickly worked out
In the therapist’s office
Although I try.
My pattern established
Through the years of emptiness
Laced with high imagination
To make it through the day
I strike out in pain
Like a caged animal
A viper grasped around the neck
Dangerous even in defeat
I want to take back the words
That spew like decaying foam
Spittle of fear dripping down
From my mouth
I justify my wrath
Say it won’t happen again
But it does
Gets worse when the bond is deepest
Then…regret
Daggers come back to my own heart
For I have hurt the one that I love
And always do…always have
I wait… truly expecting
For you to turn your back
To say you’ve had enough
To expose the fear with your truth
How far is the edge of the earth
That I push you towards?
Far enough to lose you or hold you?
Risking that bend, then expecting the break
Left to stand….drifting and lost
Praying for a retake
The chance to unwound
And to prove myself again
The flesh I tear includes my own
Broken spirits…broken pride
Shame, all curled up and cozy,
Settling in for the long haul…..
