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 Peter Callan Pranging Out by ~the-chemical-actorand nothing means anything to me
and nothing means anything to me
and the celing is creeping lower
and the walls drift away
and spontaneous memory recall shows me everything I worked so hard to forget
and my shirt is drenched in sweat
so I take it off...
and I can see my ribs without even trying
and my stomach starts to tremble
and breathing gets harder
and I'm in the bathroom with face over the toilet
and sweat streaks down my face dripping into the bowl
and brighter
and brighter
and brighter
and white
and the pressure hits my thoat
and my hands grip tighter
and I feel the last few drops fall off my lips
that smell it hits my nose
and my arms give and I fall onto the tiles...
and I throw my arm over to the tub and pull myself closer
and pull myself in
I turn the shower on with my foot
and the water sprays my face
and my face goes numb
and body tingles
and my body goes numb
and I close my eyes
and for a second I'm not there
it's last weekend and I can just start to feel the ketamine kicking in...
it's a month ago and I'm buying bags and a digital scale...
it's two months ago and I'm sleeping with my ex...
it's four months ago and I'm in an art show...
it's six months ago and I reached my life goal to have my art published...
it's eight months ago and I'm almost about to leave treatment...
it's a year ago and I see my first shed of daylight after being in the hole for four days...
it's fourteen months ago and I'm selling downers to all the kids...
it's eighteen months ago and going on my first visit...
it's twenty months ago and I'm passing myself out for the first time...
and brighter
and brighter
and I'm awake
and I'm in a tub with water up to my stomach
and the numbness fades to horrible horrible feeling
and I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore |
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