Sheila Major Mastrangelo
A Child No More®
When I was three,
I came to be,
A child no more,
Just someone’s whore.
Forever lost, this child will be.
I must get out…where is the key?
He says I’m special, but I don’t know.
I wish that he would let me go.
In my face, he is so big.
I start to smother…I close my eyes.
I leave my body…I feel no pain.
All that’s left is just the stain.
Why did he choose me…just to abuse me?
He killed my spirit. I lost my innocence.
All you see is just a shell…
My inner child says not to tell.
About this hell inside of me.
All I want is to be free.
Oh little one, I am so sad.
Please do believe that you’re not bad.
Some day I hope that you will see,
And strive to become all you can be.
~sheila major
(my first poem)
Anorexia Is My Name©
Anorexia is my name…
Come along and play my game.
I’ll give you death…
I’ll give you fame.
You won’t be there to take the blame.
With me you’ll always be a child…
Sweet and tender, meek and mild.
I’ll show you how to be so small…
Then you can laugh and stand up tall.
I’ll be your friend until the end.
I’ll help your broken heart to mend.
Food will only make you weak,
So there’s no need for you to eat.
Your goal together we will meet,
And you will see life can be beat.
In me solace can be found.
I will never let you down.
In me forevermore to hide.
Your time no longer you must bide.
Sweet death will come and you will see,
How easy it is to be set free.
~sheila major
10 Dec 1996
A GLIMPSE©
From inside the darkness,
Where hope is unknown.
In search of the truth,
To claim as my own.
Locked deep inside me,
The pain and the fear.
Afraid of the future,
My past is unclear.
All of my tears
Locked deep in my soul,
In search of the truth…
In search of my soul.
I seek the peace
Of being myself.
I'm tired and I’m weary
And hope is afar.
Peace is elusive,
Trust doesn't come easy.
Sleep doesn’t come either…
The nightmares are here.
A new storm approaches…
The rain is my tears.
The lightning, my fury.
Wind blowing hard.
Whirling me away.
So dark and ominous,
So dangerous to be,
In the deep waters,
Forever I’ll be.
The sea weeds surround me,
My body they cover.
Afraid of the water...
The panic sets in.
I try to escape,
But give into the water.
No one even knows I’m gone.
At first it is frightening,
But then there’s a calm.
Leaving my body,
Looking down from above.
My pain, I release,
A new path I find.
Life can be simple,
Life can be kind.
Days bright and hopeful,
Sun warm on my back.
Soft breezes blowing,
Scent of flowers filling the air,
Nature is healing.
Now I can see,
Myself, I set free.
Love and acceptance.
I give to myself.
Beauty and strength,
Love for myself.
~sheila major
8 Sept 1997
When I Cut
Cutting helps to ease my pain.
My tears, they will not flow.
My blood spills out,
I see the pain;
My scars, I want to show,
To all who will never know,
This pain that is inside me.
My inner soul infested,
Imprisoned with my pain.
I’ll find the key,
I’ll leave this place,
And somehow learn to grow.
Please try to understand me,
Myself, I would never kill.
I must release this poison,
It’s killing me, I know.
I’ll love myself,
I’ll tell myself,
I’ll know that I’m not bad.
Please know that I’m not crazy.
I’m trying to survive.
sheila major
3 Aug 2001
