Trish Mattei
1.
Standing in the shadowy hallway
Slivers of screams pierce through me
eyes furtively seeking out refuge
beat beat beat
Your brow begins to furrow into a deep frown
Crepelike and sallow your face creases
Pools of ebony and bile drill into me
beat beat beat
Crucified by sickening fear
Trembling my mouth opens
The shadows have carried away my protest
beat beat beat
Suspended in time our eyes momentarily meet
Silence shattered by a cracking sound
Drowning in darkness
beat beat beat
2.
I look down
I look up
So very small once
You are not so very big now
Did you shrink?
Did I grow?
The sound of your voice
Will it shrink me?
Can I grow?
I walk away
3.
Recluse
Relegated and castaway from glowing promise
Distance, isolation
I watch through the glass
Random sparkles of warmth cut through the twilight
Enthrallment, jubilation
I struggle to reach through
Extending my hand my fingers find no purchase
Frustration, consternation
I recoil from the rebuff
4.
in the breaking dawn
watch the effigy pirouette
she beckons you into the oubliette
flashing eyes
mesmerized
the silhouette undulates and slithers
the shadows dancing fall out of sync
desperation tinges the air
beguiling you
betraying you
leaving you
the embers are extinguished
5.
The sting against my cheek
As you whisper thoughtful disapproval
I love the way it hurts...
The lingering warmth
Like the stroke of my lover's hand
I love the way it hurts...
The crunch of my bones
From the caress of your fist
I love the way it hurts...
The darkening of my flesh
As the blood seeps and collects
I love the way it hurts...
6.
victim, survivor, savior, strong, weak
desperation baptisms me in your labels
reactant paradoxes
diametric oppositions to all I am
contradictions softly blanket me
drifts of snow melts into a rage at being contained by a limiting paradigms
your pitying eyes, that blank, vapid stare, no spark behind them
vastness extending beyond the subtleties of these limits
Undefined by events, by circumstance and not by you
I stare into the stars, the silvery connections surrounding me
Til the end I remain recalcitrant
7.
Insidious the betrayer, I call to thee
Or maybe yet I call to me
Betrayer and the betrayed
You told me you'd always be here, you threatened me
An arm's length away but too far to see
Taken for granted but always held in esteem
A perfect little girl, you always did seem
Take another bow across the bended knee
8.
Blue
Frozen tears cling to my cheeks as I lower my stoic gaze.
Into the silvery torrid I leap, sinking slowly into the azure depths.
Brisk at first, it flows into my mouth
Slowly gagging me and yet, I dare you I say. I open my mouth wider
My eyes burn and I raise my arms up hastening my descent.
Inhaling, glittering icicles impale me.
My legs run, racing for the depths. Deeper and deeper, the waves chill me.
The landscape of ice scraping my skin as I plummet.
The chain wrapped around my ankle holds me lovingly, tightly.
I wriggle in it's embrace, a dim awareness still warming me.
I remember eyes of Arctic skies colder than the shimmering shades of cerulean frost that surround me.
The pulsing rage within is quietly silenced.
Beyond your reach, all slowly fades.
9.
Walking through the fields
My feet sink, each step becoming heavier
Memories my body can't forget
the tips of my finger ache as I run them across my skin
I press my nails deeper til the skins breaks, crack
why is the chair shaking, is it shaking?
why are things shaking?
oh wait!
rocking, rocking
curled up, up, rocking, faster and faster
time speeds up or is it me?
Rocking, rocking faster
it's me
10.
I missed the chances
I missed the bus
I miss you
I miss us
The splash of puddles as we ran
Searching, seeking the clatter of the empty pan
Nothing left, wind whipping around the sand
Squawking of the birds awakes me needle in hand
Just ten more cc's til I land
11.
Yarn
Flowing against the burning heat of my cheek
Marking the cataracts of bruises along my face
The rivers of kohl smear the floor
Muffle the sobs
Embers alert me to the burnings through my body
A breath reveals a sudden dagger to my core
slightly rolling and gripping my side
The needles in my head click as my hands tremble
trying to knit, knit myself together as I stand
My gaits weave as I walk down the hall
Limping down the hall, threads point to my path
the fabric of existence shredded
12.
Traitor
There are Seven Layers of Heaven
There are Seven Layers of Shit
If I run fast enough, can I avoid being kidnapped and bit?
The Ayatollah's dogs yelps
The captives are transferred
Did you hear her voice?
He doesn't look up, he doesn't look down
Now there are only sheep
At the gypsies camp
Traitor
Traitor, the Arabs call him
Yet, still he walks down the dusty path
Climbing
Clumsily
Slippery
wet mist covering the hill
there is only the fight
there is only the pain
The wailing fills his head
Driving him insane
Taken to the showers
Taken to be cleansed
Wash this shit from us
Let us walk from Hell
13.
Spotlight
Perform, Perform
it's your turn to dance
But I can't dance
Everyone is watching
Wink, wink
I lower the thick veils of my lashes
Settling in my chair and light a long cigarette
Blowing it into the air, the smoke fills the room
Sitting at the table between the worlds
I lay spread out and try to divine what I see
It is fortune and fame or is it atrocity
Show me where to perform and you can always find me
I'm here to be burned
The dancer in the fire
Nothing left to loose
I walk in the crowds
Join me on the center stage
Perform, perform
You don't have to sing
I won't sit in the corner
The dragon is recoiled there
The following were inspired by author Jacqueline Carey
Bryony
The gossamer of golden light blinds me
The trailing of crisp bills crosses my palm
Their smell pungent upon me my body
Yes, it is an amusement park
Yes, you will pay for the ride
Candy, tasting the syrupy sweetness and how it melts on my tongue
Yes, more candy. I want chocolate now
The sound of the roulette wheels clicking together
The flash of their colors as they spin together
The simplicity of greed
You take I give, I take too
Cereus
The delicacy of you as you lie beside me,
Crystalline perfection, fleeting and beloved.
Fragility as the days grow longer
A small sliver in the glass grows
I press my finger to it and watch it spread
Spiderwebs run from me and I am aghast
Your fleeting shell, lost to me while I nap
I cling to your hand in the coldness of night
I beg you to stay but already it's light
The chill settles in, the body exhales it's breath
Heliotrope
Hand in hand, I feel symmetry with you
All is forsaken except attachment to your name
I don my veil, covering my soul
My eyes gleam with the brightness of purpose
Repetitions fill my day when my mantra is you
I tend to my garden now nourishing it, with you
Lost before I found you
Each step filled with desperation before I found you
You called you said but for so long I couldn't hear
Sun filled days await us
Gentian
Pilgrimage through the sands
Walking through the groves
Sojourn through the cataracts
I seek thee out patiently
Occasionally, I spy a glimpse
Is it a mirage?
Is it purity and truth?
I descend through desperation
I descend through exhilaration
Seeking you out
I will find you
I will find me
Eglantine
The minstrels sing and the jesters laugh
Overhead, the full moon winks
A toss of ebony curls
A smile from rosy, bee stung lips
I espouse your beauty in a soliloquy
The elusive spark beckons
Put on the the sparkly masque
Genesis awaits us
Sculptors hands mold the doll
The light will stream in and bring her life
Orchis
Twinkling in the background
Precious and protected
Stars shining in their eyes
Sparkling of tiny laughs filling the air
The air humid with joy
Take a deep breath and be filled with mirth
Looking at the world with a child's eye
Ignore the dark cloud that's in your corner glance
Tighten your sweater as the cool winds blow in
I feel twelve, as I look down at the shine of my shoes
Jasmine
The midsummer moon hangs low
It mimics, laden with desire
Carnality nips at you
Shivers run down your spine
Calling for your attention
Yes, I'm present
Greeting you, languid and lush.
Love unfettered by obligation.
The scent of peaches is pervasive in the air
Cascades of delight, rhythms matching
Ebbs of ecstasy, tantalizing
Fruition
Mandrake
Offered to me, so delicate and graceful
An honor, a vestige of a rite so old
Bowing before me
Kneeling before me
Crawling before me
Poise and charm inherently possessed
Enlightened by your need to serve
I will take from you, Control
I will give you, Pain
I will chase your boundaries from sight
I will listen to your abnegation and desire for it
Together we will cleanse our souls
I beg thee for the eternal release
May the feather may be balanced on the scale
Balm
I've walked a thousand lives
I've touched your hand and I lived a thousand more
Memory flooded into me
Soothed by your touch
Companion
Union
Breath
Release
Peace
From the earth's burning core I was created
Into the earth's cool embrace I will return
Remembrance is erased
Dissolved back to whence I came
Death is balm
Alyssum
With eyes averted I pretend to be
Something I cannot possibly be
A false modesty
A false blush
My ankles crossed primly
Madonna, Whore, Bitch
I am the trinity
Seek me out for comfort
Seek me out to Fuck
Know beneath my veils and skirts
I am creation
I am destruction
You are found
Dahlia
The room glisten with as you step in the room
Your charisma separates us
Pursed lips of red
Crossed legs with seamed nylons that draw the eye higher
I lean forward and let your glance continue up the curved lines of my body
I seek out completion
A spiderweb falls on us
Binding us together in bliss
Blessed union by Grandmother Spider
I always remember the first but forget the last kiss
Valerian
Sometimes you take from me
Sometimes I give it freely
Sometimes I acknowledge my secrets
I cannot breathe without being tethered to you
The land is barren and covered with brush
Some may call the desert, desolate and harsh
Some may call the strikes against my back harsh
There is always balance and yet, we are not opposant
There are nuances you will never understand
I grow stronger from the lessons of control
I grow because of the tenderness I receive
I desire the discomfort
My boundaries are offered up to be sacrificed
There is power in my ownership
Camellia
I glance in the mirror and the mask smiles back
Perfection
The coif of my shining locks
Perfection
The curve of my calf
Perfection
The crack in the porcelain beginning to grow
The light in my eyes beginning to dim
The music box key beginning to fail
Dust off the shelf
Rearrange my skirts
Flawless I will remain
